Should I stay or Should I go?

I really really do what to keep my blog but for some reason I just can't seem to keep up. I know one of the main things was that I just blogged about my dad and his passing and it seemed to be so down all the time, I am sure no one wants to read it so I figured I would just stop, times has passed and I still miss him like Crazy but I am slowly getting better, I have a lot of catching up to do and I really want to do it, Now that Coop is in Kindergarten I may be able to update each day a little bit when he is at school.  Is there even anyone out there anymore reading. If so please comment so I know,
thanks :)

1st day

Dear Cooper,
Today we went and met your Preschool Teachers,
saw your classroom and met all your new classmates. You had such a great time and loved snack time and story time. You were so excited that you came in my room in the middle of the night and got in bed with me so we could talk about how fun today was going to be. YOU LOVE PRESCHOOL and I LOVE YOU. So little man as much as it breaks my heart to see you growing up so big and strong, You are happy and that makes me happy. Now what to do while he is at school?

September 6, 2001
Cooper 4 1/2 years Old

Today was not so bad after all

After a long night of no sleeping and lots of prayers, I woke up and headed north to the hospital. We got to chit chat for about an hour and then he had to go to a room where we spend a little more time all of us together. A little while later they came in and said it was time to take him back, We told him we loved him and that we would see him in a few hour, Crossing our fingers we weren't lying to him. I could hardly breath the knot in my throat was so big, I held back the tears and walked away... A few hours later... way more than the 2 1/2 they said it would be, the Doctor came out, He had a blank stare and I could not read him, I was so worried about the words that were about to come out of his mouth... I Prayed over and over and over almost forgetting to focus on what he was saying. But then the magic words. EVERYTHING WENT FINE, He will be in his room in about 30 min and you can see him! WHAT! what a fighter! was to beat the 1 in 3 odds.
The kidney had cancer on it but it had not spread and his heart stayed strong, We went to him room 30 min later and about 10 min after that they brought him in. We got him to wake up a little and talk.
Thank you for your prayers and thoughts today, We have had a great deal of support. thank you everyone for the phone calls and text messages and prayers we are all so grateful

August 1 you still are not a day that I like to think about, But you did make it have another meaning today.

Monday August 1st

I AM WARNING YOU NOW, THIS IS NOT A HAPPY POST SO PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SKIP IT, I NEEDED TO WRITE DOWN HOW I FEEL , IT HELPS ME FEEL BETTER WHEN I AM SAD



Dear August 1st,

I HATE YOU!
Yes I know Hate is a strong word but that is how I feel about you, And it will never change.
August 1,1989 is when my dad became a single parent. August 1 is 8 days before my birthday that year I was turning 5... Time for kindergarten yes a happy time.. My mom was so excited to take me to my first day of kindergarten but never got too. Now August first you might just have a chance to redeem yourself.
Today my Uncle Kyle Goes in for a very important surgery where he only has a survival rate of .......................................................30% 1 in 3 survive
Kyle is like a brother to me, growing up and for a long time he was one of my best friends. We would take the dogs up to the pond in alpine and walk around everyday or take a drive up af canyon and go fishing or just turn the radio up and enjoy the beautiful mountains ..... August 1st, You see I just burried one of my best friends not to long ago, Not even 6 months. I am not ready to do it again... So if ya could ... can Ky please be one of the 30% today. Can we please try to make August first mean something different this year, Not that my Grandparents lost 2 children on this day............ Pretty Please with a cherry on top?

Because 1/2 Matters

A few weeks ago we went to Salem Ponds so I could do some 4 year old pictures of Cooper, Yes it is really late because he turned 4 in January but I was living at my dads helping him, and then with all that went on those few months and then a week after his funeral we bought a house and packed up and moved to Springville, So yes I am a slacker but better late than never.
We started out playing on the swing set and then throwing rocks in the water and buy the time we were done, Well you can see he was neck high in the pond. I love these pictures every one shows exactly how he is, The funny faces he makes, The random stuff that he does like in one picture he is shooting ducks as they fly over, and the sweet smile he (usually) has.
Cooper made me very well aware tho when I was taking his pictures that he is NOT 4 he is 4 1/2 I remember the days when Half mattered so much, so make sure you remember too! We sure love ya Coop. You keep us on our toes and you are the best thing that has happened to our family!