I am writing this for me...

Today has just been one of those days where I really really wish heaven had a phone. Its almost been 4 months since I have talked to my dad, For me that is something that I am having a very hard time with. I talked to my dad 10+ times a day and every night as i got in bed I called him and told him good night. My dad was my very best friend. I trusted him and respected him. He always encouraged me in anything I wanted to do, He made me feel good about myself when I thought I wasn't good for anything. He taught me how to be responsible with my money and make good decisions, He taught me it was ok to get your hands dirty, when he first asked me to come out to the shop to help him I hated it, I would get greasy and my hands would stay black for days no matter how many times I washed them.
I loved sitting on the couch next to my dad while we watched Mash or Cheers and look at his hands, They told so many stories, scars from working on cars or from deer hunting or crashing on his motorcycle when he was younger, I noticed over the past year my dad's hands started to loose the stained grease and they were starting to look clean, It just wasn't normal, he wasn't able to go out in the shop and work anymore. Watching him go down hill but still be so strong and willing to just keep going was so encouraging for me, then he fell. I tried all I could to take care of him, He is my dad after all and he raised me and kacee alone, so I moved in to his house for a few months leaving Jim as a single parent. Dad started getting bed sores from not being able to get up and walk, when he fell he hurt his leg muscles, the sores got worse and I begged him to go to the hospital and get help. I regret that now. After begging him and telling him it would be for the better he agreed to go. I was happy because they would help get the water he was retaining off and get his sores healed and then he could come home and all would be back to normal. I rode with him in the ambulance to the hospital and I remember he was so scared the whole way there, as we were passing Lone Peak he looked at me and said, You know I am not going back home, i smiled and told him he was a nerd and yes he was, he stayed in AF hospital for a little over 2 weeks in that time they got the sores cleared up and over 150 pounds of water off of him, then they talked about moving him to a specialty hospital that would keep him for a few weeks and do rehab and get him walking so he could go home, he agreed and they transfered him, after being there 2 hours me and dad were excited to get a plan together so we could go home, the Doctor came in and quickly shattered those hopes and dreams, He said that the reason my dad blacked out and fell a while back and was so weak and sleepy was because he had rapid liver failure ... What? he never drank or was a pill popper, How could this be? When my dad heard that the look in his eyes I will never forget, It was a look of emptiness. There was nothing the doctors could do, It was not caught in time, The next few days dad took lots of meds and had lots of blood work done, the Dr was trying the best he could but it was just to far, the ammonia in my dads body quickly took over making it harder and harder every hour for him to stay awake, he turned 52 on Feb 14th I colored pictures and made signs and hung them around the room but I don't think he knew, He started getting very uncomfortable and nauseous. later that night, I like to think mom came and got him for his birthday and they danced the night away in each others arms, Both of them happy and together after 22 years of being apart. early Tuesday morning the 15th of Feb. Dad started having seizures I quickly called family and they came as fast as they could, at 8:00 me and my little sister made the hardest decision I have ever had to do, We stopped the seizure meds and took my dad off his oxygen, At 9:00am My dad left this earth to start the next chapter. I am grateful for the people who have been there for me, I am grateful that I know I will see my dad and mom again, I am grateful they are together again, I can only imagine what it was like when they saw each other, I only saw my dad cry a few times and the few times he did it was because he was telling us about my mom and he would say how much he missed her. The past year he would say little things like " Ky I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this" or " I just want to go see your mom and my parents ". Knowing that there are so many people on the other side that was waiting with open arms makes it easier for me, And knowing that I have my dad watching over me now makes it a little easier to keep going each day, I miss the stories, I miss the phone calls I miss the silly text messages, and I miss my friend. I am sure you have heard the saying make each day as if it were your last, But it has never been so true. You never know, Don't fight over the small stuff, Tell the people in your life that you love them over and over and over. You just never know when you will tell them for the last time.